More true-life stories of Alex G. - Cat sodomy

There are dog people and cat people. I love dogs. We always had one back in Illinois. I love cats too. I grew up with a 28 lb behemoth named Hercules who was raised by a raccoon after his mother died and preferred mac and cheese and cherry tomatoes. He lived until he was a ripe 14 years old. But as I moved out into the world, I found it easier to deal with felines. (that's what she said, I know) Before I entered the Navy, I had a big orange tabby male, Satchmo, that went to live with my mother whilst I protected the free world. When Cris and I began living together in Seattle in 2000, we went to the shelter and got a brother/sister combo. They have been awesome cats and dealt with kids and everything great. Now, after his sister passed last year, we are left with Smokey. He is a very shy and lovable, grouchy 22 lb. grey tabby. At night, he settles down to the immediate corner of our California king bed. He takes up a lot of space, but it's better than two toddlers to those of you with kids! Now....when I sleep I have two major positions. I begin and spend most of my time on my right side as I once read that Buddha recommended it as it doesn't put a lot of pressure on your heart. When I switch to the left side, I do it rather quickly and "sweep" my right hand to hug the pillow. So....last Friday, sometime in the early hours of Saturday, I did my quick move to the right and as my right hand swept upward, trying to acquire the pillow...my middle finger slightly entered the sphincter of my very shocked and surprised cat. He bolted and I awoke immediately and by this time (we're talking Mission Impossible slow) my index and 4th finger are encountering a few crusties on the left and right side of the anal opening. I jump up and head to the bathroom carrying my hand in front of me life a surgeon heading into the OP room. Smokey has scurried off and thank God he doesn't have too much reasoning skills to think about what just occurred to him. i wash my hands three-four times and return to bed with a weird feeling that never allows me to gain peaceful sleep. I laid there and had the thoughts of a cat molester bouncing around my head. I finally fell asleep and my adventure began to become funny somewhere in my subconscious.